1. Only love is real


The new year will begin in few hours. I am sitting in my room at my hometown Lucknow feeling good about life and highly motivated. I have decided to find her. I have decided to find the love of my life - Shambhavi Mishra.
I broke up with her 4 years back in December, somewhere around 7th or 8th. I don't know what had happened back then. There are lots of things happening so fast that I don't remember everything now. It's not actually that I don't remember it,  i guess at that time they were not that important for me and hence skipped registering themselves into memory department of my mind.
Our relationship was destroyed long ago and final jerk came when I wrote a message full of abuse between a fight to her for no good reason at all. I don't know why I did that. I have a really bad temper. I have done that previously also and have faced the wrath of life many times because of that.

I will talk about in length what had happened since 2008 when we first met till 2010 when we split. Now, I am 29 years old and I am a virgin. I never had sex with any girl, woman or any female living organism,  I have even never ever kissed a girl. I am a loser in terms of girls and a perfect virgin for definition's sake. It's not that I didn't get the opportunities. I am a great looking intelligent guy from a good family with good education but the only problem was that my mind was filled by my parents and destructive education with thoughts that I should always tried to live a perfect life by being a good boy and sex was something that was not in the books of ideas of perfect life. Sex was portrayed as sin. The most funniest thing I believed was that girls hate sex and if you try to have sex with them, they will run away.
But today I have decided that I am going to get her. Her birthday is on 21st march. She is borderline Aries. The most difficult of all female sun signs to live with. But I have some feeling that I want to share with this world now.
I think she left me so I can become a better person and some one who deserves her.
I think she left me to give me the time to understand how important she was to me and how true love only meets you once.
I think she is my guardian angel and and a perfect soul mate, as a matter of fact she gave me a book called "Only love is real"  by Dr. Brian Weiss when we were together, only gift of her that is with me right now.
I read that book only recently and it changed my perception of love. I don't know why she gave it to me at that time. I guess it was some kind of prophecy or time travelling thing. It must be like only at the time when I would be ready for her, will I read the book.
I think everything that happened between us was because of a reason and the reason was that she was my unseen godly guide for making me change the brave courses of action which considering my coward nature I would have never taken. If I remove her from my life, I would be living a dull useless life working at some useless software company. She filled me with guts of strength and taught me so many things that no one can ever had or could.
She had to leave, I believe but only to come back when I would have become a better man. Now, I have become a better man and I truly believe that the love of my life will soon return.

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