2. Another ranting

First day of New year and I have already made my diary to work on my 81 day program- Getting Shambhavi Back plan. For quite a long time I was reading books and listening to audio books on law of attraction, how to control one's mind and methods of attaining one's goals. They have helped me tremendously in becoming a changed man and it has made me believe that if I truly desire something, i will sure get it.
Some time back I had made a movie called LASAFOT with a guy owning abundance of redundant money, named D****k but later we had a dispute and the film went to him since he paid for the film. Intellectual and creative claims means zinch in film industry. The dispute was on a level bigger than we both had imagined where moralities and ethics were killed so much to an extent such that the producer who owned the film and never payed me anything. He actually is releasing the film, but dropping my name from the credits as director, I had  given him the completely edited film so he can do that now. I was irritated by him, by circumstances and everything that was happening to me at that time. I was devastated and depressed not because of this film but because i knew that i am the most intelligent guy i know, i know everything about film making, I read books voraciously, I watch movies crazily, I learn about people, I have interest in every fucking subject in the world yet I am not making much of a progress. There was something wrong.
I got it soon what was wrong. I was NEGATIVE. I inflicted everything on me. It was all my fault. It was not them but me who was my own enemy. I got everything I desired for. I desired bad things and they kept on happening to me and i kept on wondering why they were happening to me. When i used to play safe earlier i would think of every negative circumstance that could fall on me in order to avoid them such that i would think and rethink about that circumstance so many times that it would get destined to occur.
I had two theories which i had developed earlier but didn't know the meaning of them, until lately.
First theory was that i never believed in those positive and optimistic theory as preached by many; it meant crap to me. I never understood that theory. I believed that there was always a middle road in between optimism and pessimism and it was realism. Since God has give us everything so we should use everything but only in right amount. I felt that if i remain positive all the time and be optimistic in everything then i might turn delusional. I don't want to become that, no matter how much i had desired to become schizophrenic because most of the top scientist have that high rated mental disease.
Second theory that i did believe but to me whose applications were only limited to science and nothing else, was that whatever you can conceive inside your mind, can happen outside because once it is happening inside your mind, which is also a part of this universe it can be recreated outside of your brain shell. I was always applying this theory on time travel. When we can think about time travel inside our head  and create images about it than it has to be possible otherwise universe would not allow us to think about it.

Few important books that I read were :
The Alchemist By Paulo Coelho
Think and Grow Rich & The master key to Riches By Napoleon Hill
The science of getting Rich By Walter Wallace.
The power of positive thinking  By Norman Vincent Peale.

There were many other books but the things that helped me most were audio lectures by Motivational speakers like Bob Proctor, Zig Ziglar (these two are best, most energetic and most funny), Tony Robbins, Wayne Dryer, Napoleon Hill and many others. I am especially thankful to youtube channel "youarecreators" for creating that wonderful online channel which is full of audio speeches, lectures and books. I must mention the revolution that was started by the documentary "The Secret" which I had watched before several times on insistence by several people and sometimes by curiosity dvelped by reviews. Though i decided to apply it on my life only recently.
These things have helped me in becoming a better man in last few months ( i guess) and they have affected my life in so many ways such that I have started achieving things faster and in better ways. Nothing wrong happens to me anymore. I can focus on things much clearer now. I attain things whenever I set my mind to.
Based on these theories, I have made a 81 day program through which I will get all my goals done. One day of this program is already gone. One thing that all motivational speakers insisted on was that once you set your goal, do nothing about it. Just sit, imagine and wait for magic to happen. Of course in a case like this (finding her), I cannot do anything even if i wanted to. There are several other goals which i have made and i am working hard everyday to get them. I believe that something will happen this year, something miracle. I am sure I will get her and she must be waiting for me somewhere and it is not just some vague romantic thought, it is thought of determination. I really desire her and i know the whole universe will conspire for me to get her.
I am a very happy man nowadays and a very secure and confident one too. I don't hate anyone now and i don't wish ill for anyone. I remain in good mood all day long and i fell it is helping me in coming nearer to my goal.