9. Why Dangal is worst film of all times ?

Disclaimer : I loved Dangal. This is just a satire for humor sake because everyone is praising Dangal, including me, so I wanted to write all the fictional bad things about it.

Dangal is one of the most regressive films of all times. I was forced by my friends to watch it and I hated every minute of it. First of all, Amir khan is looking like a fat goblin in the film which was really uncalled for. If he is a wrestler, where are his abs. He was businessman in Ghajni which medical conditions of Memory loss but still had good body and he still remembered how many sets of pushups and bench press he has to take. Maybe he wanted to look like Mahavir Phogat, but I ask you why. No one who is going to see this film has seen Mahavir singh Phogat before, what does it matter. He is looking fat, ugly and old by being father of four girls. We immediately know he is fooling us because I have seen every episode of Ekta Kapor’s every serial every aired and I know that till your grandsons have grandsons of their own, you don’t look old on screen. Ask Ekta Kapoor if you don’t trust me. Kids and age has nothing to do with sexiness and fitness of the body.

What about making the film so regressive? Males were humiliated, ragged, abused and treated badly by females in the film. Can you imagine living in society where woman is living in pleasure beating men and they don’t just have equal rights but more rights over men. Except for few of use masochistic men who likes to get spanked at night I don’t think this kind of inequality is tolerable. Aamir Khan is so anti national and we can see in the film that he very cunningly creates a scene in which he is locked in a room while national anthem is getting played. The worst I felt was for that chacha’s kid who was really funny in narrations and real life alike but Aamir Khan was constantly demotivating him by scolding him and showing him his eyes whenever he would make a good joke. There went his career to be a great stand-up comedian. A little bit of motivation and the guy would have turned into a stand up comedian at comedy central and open his own youtube channel and earn lots of money and collaborate with all the brands to get more money, then forget all about comedy and only care about money. But I digress, so instead of being a money earner comic he ends up as sidekick to his sexy cousin sisters. I also feel pretty disgusted the way coach was portrayed in the film. He was in fact the real hero of the film. While Aamir khan always wanted her daughters to win in the film, the coach was intellectually and strategically teaching the girls wrong techniques and stupid theories so that the girls would fail.  He wanted them to taste the sweet and sour flavors of failure because every book on success has said that failures are the cornerstones of success and uneducated Mr. Phogat didn’t know that. He didn’t want the girls to take their success for granted. Behind Every criticism, he had thrown at Geeta and behind every demotivating line he uttered there was a hidden meaning behind them. “It is not easy to understand the coach of Geeta” said the coach’s psychologist in an interview. I still feel strongly unlike some of my friends that the song “gilheriyan” should have been an item song because so much talent of those girls can be seen getting wasted in that song just because the director was more into commercial aspects of the film rather than creating an art of cinema.

I strongly condemn the use of desi ghee to soften the soil of akhada. In a country where so many people are sleeping hungry and have no food, the sheer wastage of desi ghee melts my heart. I also offer my deep condolences to those chickens who have been killed to make this film and their murder has been brutally propagated in this film. “Chicken have heart too Mr. Aamir Khan” said a butcher in Punjab who knows the anatomy of chicken. Sakshi Tanwar was another miscast in the film. Sakshi was someone we have grown up watching and desiring in her serials and every time I see her on screen I felt that Ram Kapoor was going to come on the next scene.

The worst I felt was for that negro girl who lost the fight with Babita. That was racism at its best. She was strong, suave and sexy contender for Gold. I could see innocence and years of hard work behind her. She should have won. She didn’t win because Geeta fooled her with Phogat’s rules. It was a case of psychological harassment. Negro girl played with her pure human emotions but Geeta irritated her and as human as she was she got irritated and in a moment of weakness and with a hindi voice over in background to distract her, a language she doesn’t understand, she lost the match. Another great athlete went into the tunnels of oblivion because Amir khan wanted his daughter to win the gold medals, which by the way aren’t made of golds. Can you imagine the loss the human spirits that this gold medal has costed? Have we sunk down to this level?

Overall Dangal is a really bad film. I cried a lot watching the film. It was a live documentary of how men are treated in our society. Men who are innocent enough to support feminism just so that they can get into beds of woman. These men have no interest in feminism except the only reason they are there is to get a chance to hang out a little more with young girls. Soon these men are betrayed later by the same girls for the boys who have better jobs, salaries and yearly foreign trips. This has to stop. I would like to request Kejriwal, the president of national committee of film reviewers, to challenge Modi in one of his tweets to do something about men of our country who are still following feminism just to get more girls. You know Aarfa got angry with Sultan in the film because he was happy and was doing his work when kid was born and he was not there. Millions of kids are born every day but matches happen once in a blue moon. And what were the chances of kid wanting the same blood group as his father? So ludicrous.  Internal information tells me that Director had to avoid the whole plot of kid due to certain budget issues in the film as Salman took all the money. There were also rumors about Salman offering them to use CG to make the baby’s face as that of Salman but Salman also wanted to double his fees so they cordially rejected his offer. But we learn from the film that no woman can see the happiness of a man. A little proud Salman got and she broke him down to a nobody. I am not misogynistic but it is time men wear their underwear, talking metaphorically, because I know they already do, and start raising their voice for their rights. People who have ISIS, Taliban or some fanatic heading the country, have already started doing this at their homes. So, I have decide to be the torchbearer for the men’s rights. I will start doing it immediately. Or after two hours as this is not the right time because my girlfriend just texted me she wants to break up with me for an NRI boy who has no hair on his body, my sister has thrown her comb on me twice because I used all her moisturizer on my secret parts and my mother is scolding me standing on my head because I forgot to bring vegetables from market instead played video games from that money, but after all this I will immediately start a blog and begin my revolution.