SearchingSirocco

It weird when you get a message from your ex-girlfriend saying – “nice DP” because you know it is not a nice DP and you look really bad in it. I haven’t changed my DP since ages and she got the time to see it now. I know there was something going on. She wanted to talk to me. Reading books on PUA (Pick Up Art) woman, which extensively tells you that you must talk to a lot of woman as a part of your exercise, I realized that this was my chance of interacting with a woman and know the intricacies of her mind. Conversations with woman bores me and the more disinterested I was in woman, the more disinterested they were in me. She is married and from college so she is off boundaries now and I have my moralities intact so I didn’t even think about anything naughty about it. Simple practice was my sole motivation. It was weird talking to her because in college we ended up on a bad note and that at the starting of college life, in second semester, so you can possibly imagine how my next si...

It was February 2011 .. I had just come back from Ladakh from the shoot of my first film as assistant director. It was great experience and again I wasn’t given much money for it. Merely 13000 were given and I didn’t mind because I got the chance to visit Ladakh and become chief Assistant Director.  I was clueless what to do next. I was looking for some work. Saini, the art director from Soundtrack who gave me my first work as art director and second work overall in Mumbai, was not going to take me back I assumed as I had left the movie in between but he did call me for a day on the sets of soundtrack when I called him back for work, but the experience of one day was so terrible that then I myself never went back. I hated being in the team of art directors. Assistant art directors (male) are like dogs and anyone can scold them on set and say anything and for the sake of job they have to tolerate it. They are advised to listen to everyone without uttering anything. I will tell...

It was April or May 2014 It was certainly one of those times when I didn’t know what to do. I had no clear future plans I could envision. I was failing again and again in the battle grounds of life and I had no idea why. Why was this thing happening to me I wanted to know but the question was how to know and whom to ask? I called few of my friend, relatives, cousin brothers and elders and discussed my situation. Do you think anyone cares and gave actual solution? No, no one cares. No one has any solutions. Everyone had the same reaction- ‘It happens.’ ‘Don’t worry everything will be all right.’ ‘You are talented, it is just a matter of time.’ ‘Don’t worry, it happens with everybody.’ None of the advices were working. I have been through all these advices. They would have worked in other times but it was a severe blow this time. My second film was down the drain. Four years in Mumbai now with two feature films and a book behind me, I was still struggling to make...

It doesn't matter right sometimes whether you meet your past or not. My friend had the same story like me except he got married tot he girl of his dreams but his life wasn't dreamy at all. They both were fighting all the time which eventually led to divorce. I don't know whether it's worth waiting for someone just because it's been written in literature, romantic novels and shown in films. Is it worth to wait for a person and make your life static and stop anyone from entering into it. Sometimes I am thinking that i am extending this way too far. I question myself, why do i want to meet her? May be the only thing i need is closure from  her side.  Recently another girl messaged me on whatsapp and told me that she is in love with me. She wanted me to reciprocate. I could not. Love cannot be forced. It can happen only despite effort. You make efforts and it is not love. The biggest problems with my mind is that i cannot be in love with same person for very long. M...

The first time when I saw her was in a Salsa class in Lucknow. I joined the Salsa class because I didn't want to waste my time learning some computer language. I was doing my engineering from computer science but my interest in computer science was only limited to watching movies on my laptop and surfing internet. Everything went over my head during the last three last years of engineering. In the first year I was enthusiastic and wanted to make college life the best years of my life. That never happened. I got good marks in all subjects in both semesters of first year. The reason behind it was that I was way more intelligent for the college I was in and batch of kids I got. Everything they were teaching there I had already learned it during my engineering preparations, probably that's the reason I never ugot selected in IITs. I studied way too much but the things that were relevant to entrance exams. Getting frustrated I decided to join Salsa classes as any guy in my c...

I have made a diary in which I am daily writing things about my life and about my goals. The diary got filled in 81 pages exactly and it was a lucky coincidence. Talking of coincidence, in Mumbai which ever apartment I had lived in has been numbered in multiple of 3 and throughout my Mumbai journey, number three has been a lucky number for me all the time. No matter where I was, the number followed me everywhere. Recently I have met lot of girls whose name starts with 'P' and I was wondering why again and again I was falling in love with some one whose name starts with 'P'. Soon I realized that I had never fallen in love with anyone whose name started with 'P', in fact I was always forcing myself to fall in love with them and for some reason their name would always start with 'P'. The first thing I decided was to stop talking to any girl whose name started with 'P'. I stopped calling them or replying them immediately. These 'P' girls ...

First day of New year and I have already made my diary to work on my 81 day program- Getting Shambhavi Back plan. For quite a long time I was reading books and listening to audio books on law of attraction, how to control one's mind and methods of attaining one's goals. They have helped me tremendously in becoming a changed man and it has made me believe that if I truly desire something, i will sure get it. Some time back I had made a movie called LASAFOT with a guy owning abundance of redundant money, named D****k but later we had a dispute and the film went to him since he paid for the film. Intellectual and creative claims means zinch in film industry. The dispute was on a level bigger than we both had imagined where moralities and ethics were killed so much to an extent such that the producer who owned the film and never payed me anything. He actually is releasing the film, but dropping my name from the credits as director, I had  given him the completely edited film so...