43.Why exactly i made this page ??

I accidentally opened my older email id where i went to the sent sections.

One nugget of advice : never go to old sent section of your email ids, you don't know what you are going to find.

I saw some mails and it made me nostalgic. It made me remind my perfect life back in college. No it wasn't perfect actually, this life is much worse so I am remembering that life as a good life. The only thing worth remembering of that time is Shambhavi Mishra. But i have vague memories of her. Recently she is back on Facebook and i pacify my heart looking at her photos. There is nothing much i can do right now. I don't have money and i don't have a house. I am turning 31 this year and my life has nothing in front of me. All my friends are settled and i am still struggling to make my ends meet. Somewhere i am still dependent on my parents for money. I don't ask them for money but it is like, they are my back up. If i lose in this life, at least i have them.

I don't know what happened back in 2010, but it was not good. I lost her and i lost her forever. I couldn't all in love with anyone else ever again. Have you ever met someone who makes such a void in your life that no matter what you do, it never fills up. I have heard so many lectures and seminars and so many people have asked me to to move over the past and live the present, but it is tough, for me it is impossible. I can't fall in love again. She was so perfect and i didn't realize it at that time.

I know I know there is no reason complaining now because nothing can be done now. The only alternative is to get rich. The option of getting her back in life is not there anymore. The only way to ever meet her again is to become so rich and famous that she notices me and looking at my current conditions, it looks like it is going to take some time.

My biggest problem is that i press to hard at things. I never lived an easy life. I had life full of problems that were not even the problems. I just like to have problems so that i can amuse myself. I like problems and the reason being that i never had any real life problems. If i look back, retrospect correctly then i can say that every problem in my life got solved so easily that it is shameful for me to say that i ever had any serious problems in life.

I lived a very comfortable life and i am if not proud then i am not ashamed about it. But the only thing in my otherwise perfect life missing is her. Damn, I would give anything to forget her. It is one of these moments when you want to re live your life again.

Am i making sense. I hope not. Because if i made sense, then it would be worthless to follow  this trail. The whole idea of chasing a failed love is senseless and may be one day the idea of love will fade from my life and i hope it happens soon.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

83. Baahubali - The Conclusion -Why it will work ?

Image
Baahubali was a blockbuster in every sense. I didn't like it because as a screenplay writer I found too many faults, which I thought if avoided it could have become a legend of a film. But the film was entertaining and lead its own culture. A lot of people around me loved it. That is the curse of learning filmmaking that I have to carry my entire life, I see filmmaking from many points of view, not just entertaining. I do VFX for my films too and I know how difficult of work that is. Baahubali-2 does not reveal much in its later trailer, except the visual effects and close beauty shots of actors. But then that is the whole point of this film. I just wish that the story this time will be better to create its own standing. That is just my point of view and i know people loved the story otherwise how will u explain the "Katappa killed Baahubali" Craze. People were involved in the story, that is why it became such a cult. I trust Rajamouli as he is a brilliant director ...
Read more

75. A lesson from an IPS officer on success that you must not ignore. At least I didn’t.

Image
A day ago I met an IPS officer. He is a good friend of mine. He is posted in Kerala and his name is Prateesh Kumar. He was here on a short visit to Mumbai so we decided to take a stroll around seaside just to remember the old times and talk about other stuffs of life. We decided to have lunch and dinner together and he was paying the money at every shop we went as I had not a single rupee in my pocket. I told him about my financial conditions which are not very bright and I told him that when you are in film line, nothing is certain and there are always good and bad phases that awaits you. You don’t get monthly cheques and there is no certainty from where your next cheque is coming from. He asked me whether he should loan me some money and I told him that I never borrow money from anyone. He understands my ego and self-esteem as we are childhood friends and our families are close together so he stopped insisting much. But he did ask me what were the problems I was facing and I to...
Read more

73. Reviewing Boston Legal : Supreme court Speech by Alan Shore ( For Aspiring Actors)

Image
I am sharing this video with you so that you can rehearse the lines if you want to be an actor. I love this whole scene when i first watched it ages back and it still haunts me. The way James Spader has performed this whole scene astounds me still. The perfect intonation, gaps, punctuation, speeds, pauses and whole performance is just scintillating. the big revelation came to me when i started auditioning for acting and I decided to create my showreel. So I downloaded this episode and wrote down the entire speech. It is way too long firstly, and secondly English is not my first language so there was difficulty in speaking this language. But destiny had some better plans for me and taught me something which I could not have learned otherwise. I started reciting the lines along with Alan Shore and when i did that i was awestruck more by the acting skills of James Spader because speaking along with him I tried to follow his pitch and pauses and it was very difficult. It seems a...
Read more