50. The Six psychology rules for finding a girlfriend and living happily with her.

Probably the most ignored case in India is how to impress a girl and there is no pragmatic approach explained anywhere where definite rules for dating and impressing a girl are mentioned. It involves one’s active participation, experimentation and talking to a lot of girls. I have found during my research, after meeting a bunch of girls and reading a lot of books on PUA, that there is a wafer thin line between a man being shy, unable to talk to a woman guy and a man who can get any girl he wants. The reasons are mostly psychological and the good news is that they can be can be easily resolved. Though, it might sound a bit contrived, misogynistic, manipulative and something against woman for trying to generalize them but after you will finish reading it, you will realize that it is not about woman rather how much you change yourself for her and how you present yourself to her so this is basically about you, which means “it’s you, not them”. Girls are all nice human beings and they are all looking for their charming princess who can pamper them, take care of them and treat them like a princess. No matter how feminist a girl is or how hard she was become working her whole life or what attitude she carries, she will always like to be pampered like her father pampered her once. So let’s start the journey:

1. Dress up or you are one of many.

Let me ask you first, what kind of girl do you like? Don’t you immediately think of some nicely dressed girl with touches of makeup who maintains her hygiene and carries herself well. Here is the surprise for you, she expects the same from you. If she has taken the labor to take one hour or in some cases two hours to pick her dress, clean her body hairs properly, do her makeup and hair dressing, sprinkle lots of deodorant and scents and rub loads of moisturizer then believe me even if you do one fourth of that, you are in the game. Most Indian boys (especially Engineers) take pride in their shabby dressing sense and untouched beard. Being dirty is their definition of being themselves. Here is a truth for you, you don’t look good. Doing a little effort to make you look good doesn’t make you a transgender or gay, it says that you care for someone to invest enough time in dressing up for that person. So, wear ironed clothes, with matching shoes, gel your hair, find your style and buy clothes and other accessories accordingly, keep hairs neatly trimmed  and clean and if you have beard, for God’s sake shape it properly.

2. Don’t assume or exaggerate the scenes in your own head.

We have seen so many films where when the hero approach girls, they slap him. Those films were made by the creative pens of the people who couldn’t get girls themselves. It was part of their imaginations and what they thought would happen if they approach a girl. Girls are as scared of meeting someone new as you are. She will never slap you unless you cross the boundaries of decency. She is also afraid of social confrontations and she also doesn’t want everybody to notice her for wrong things. She is just as human as you are and most importantly she is not a lunatic who keeps slapping any person who approaches her. What happens with most guys is that they see a girl from a distance and start imagining the scenarios if they would approach the girl she would start to make fun of them or scold them or insult them in front of everyone. Girls are not maniacs, they will never insult you because you have merely asked to have a drink or dinner with you. They will simply decline the over if they don’t want to go with you. Respect their decision. Most of the time they are flattered when someone asks them out. Think of it this way, you are giving them a memory of a lifetime.

3. Never try to sound intelligent or clever.

There is no doubt that in many areas of mind woman are far more superior then man. A man can easily be fooled by logics but woman are not. Woman are easily fooled by emotions, while emotions don’t work in the same way for men. When a woman is not emotionally bonded to you, she can see right through you and know everything about you. I have had girlfriends who could predict my next move like a second nature. They are also very good at catching lies. The most irritating thing is that girls are right most of the time. I would wonder that after reading so many books on psychology and criminology, how come she has got such perceptive powers and observational talent. But I digress. Woman can and will predict all your moves. During relationship, woman is a deer but before a relationship she is a tigress, always ready to hunt you down. That’s why they say be yourself because if there is one thing that woman hates more than anything else, its fakeness. Thinking of that, why do they hate fakeness? Why is genuineness the number criteria for most woman? It’s probably because when a woman falls in love with someone or try to find someone to fall in love with she doesn’t think of it as one night stand but life long journey. So, she will put her mind inside your very soul and grab all the information that there is to verify what kind of person you are and if she finds that there is someone else inside while a complete different person outside, you are in danger. Of course, men do fool woman all the time but to do that you have to be very experience in hiding your real self. Those people are professionals in these genre who knows when to make right move and when to hit the right emotional spot. You, on the other hand, are just starting. Be yourself, even if you think that being you won’t take you too far then trust me, being someone else won’t take you anywhere.

4. Why do bad boys win while geeky, nerds don’t?

Well, a very common question in dating world is why bad boys win while geeky, nerds don’t. The answer is simple. Bad boys are fun to be with. No one likes to sit with a guy whole day getting lectured on new technology and scientific advancements. If you don’t understand it still, think of it this way, would you ever date a woman who would keep talking whole day about her make-up techniques, advancements in clothing world, new accessories in the market or nuances of intelligent shopping. No, you don’t, don’t you. You like to be with a girl who is fun to be with. So does she! She wants to be with a guy who is fun to hang around with. Bad boys don’t talk, they do. They are active people. Life with them is adventure all the time. With geeky nerds it is a constant argument over which to what and why to how, in the end nothing comes out of that talk and the girl ends up with the feeling of wasting her time. Sitting and talking do not create memories. That’s why guys who get friendzoned are often kept aside by girl for advice. They talk to her all the time but will never date her. They are good for opinions but they are not fun to be with. So be more active and don’t just brag, do stuff for her. Talk less, listen more.

5. Yes of course, the most successful and important thing in dating world is rejection.

Rejection is the most the most important thing in dating. Don’t run away from it. Most people are afraid of rejections but instead it is the most crucial thing and also one of the most important reasons people remain alone for a long time. The difference lies in one’s attitude towards rejection. First things first, let me remove the fear of rejection from your mind. Rejection from a girl is directly mapped in most minds to manhood, ego and pride when it has nothing to do with any of it. If you ask a woman selling popcorn that you want to have a popcorn, and she reuses it then there are chances that she may have sold all her popcorn, or she might be saving her popcorn for someone else or may she doesn’t even sell popcorn at all, you might be at candy shop asking for popcorn.

Rejection is never personal. You have met her or the first time, she doesn’t know so how can she reject you. We have been using the wrong word all this time when it is altogether something else. If a girl says no, it doesn’t mean she has rejected you. Don’t assume things. She may have a boyfriend. She may have been engaged to someone. She might have just come out of a relationship. She might be scared of talking to boys. There might be any number of reasons for her not talking to you and none of them is rejection. It will be a rejection though if you had talked to her for an hour, she knows everything about you and then refuses to pick your calls. Now that would be rejection. In that case, then grab some napkins, retrospect your life, drink booze and sleep. But again even that is not a bad thing. Everyone on your campus was not your friend. Sometimes we just don’t gel with other people. Everyone has peculiar taste in people they want to hang out with. Her not liking you doesn’t make you a worthless worm.  

The important thing to do after you see a girl that you want to approach is to not think too much, don’t plan ahead, be spontaneous or never discuss it with friends. Do what you got to do. Approach the girl, if she says, you are in for the game but if she says no, just move on and look back. Don’t think about it. Don’t believe in Shahrukh Khan’s films philosophy that you have to get the girl at any cost even if it is against her will because you have started believing that she is made for you. That will neither make you happy nor her. So face her ‘not interested’ with a smile and leave with your grace intact. She might approach you next observing and getting impressed with your cool attitude. Behave like a bad boy for whom her ‘not interested’ doesn't matter and from a girl’s perspective, a man who is that careless to a ‘not interested’ is always fun to be with.       

6. Girls are not your commodity to have. Always treat a girl like a lady.

I had an orthodox upbringing where we don’t treat women as equal. I agree with that thought and I am against those feministic thoughts where it believed that women are equal to men. Woman and other feminist believers are grossly mistaken for that thinking. Woman are and has ever been far more superior then men and they deserve everything they demand to have from their men. Men must always provide her that. My ex-girlfriend once said that after our marriage I have to buy her a Mercedes and big house. And I, being filmy, replied that if she wants to be with me she has to live in whatever condition I will keep her. If her love is true, she will live with me through good or bad. If I am poor, she was to live with me in poverty and if I am rich, then you will be living with me anyways. Well, what a crappy theory I had. It was only when my girlfriend became an ex-girlfriend and I move to another city, met more woman, read numerous books, developed some thinking of my own did I realize how utterly loony lumber jack I was. First of all, I was nothing compared to her, she was highly educated and superbly beautiful. Second, I wanted her because she was beautiful, highly educated, intelligent and from a good family. So, now that I think of myself, how selfish it was of me to ask her to be with me in whatever condition I would put her. What the hell did I think of myself? I was wrong of course. I was a man (I am a man still) and if a very beautiful girl has agreed to be with me then it is my responsibility to give her everything she desires from me. She deserves it. She deserves no less treatment than any woman with her caliber does. She definitely doesn’t deserve to live with a loser who cannot even give her a good life. Since I had fulfilled my selfish needs from her I cannot expect her to sacrifice everything for me. So treat your girl like a lady and I promise you she will treat you like a king. Treat your woman with respect because a life without a woman in one’s life is like a Maggi noodle packet without masala in it; it’s tasteless, incomplete and of no use.