55. Ten Ways To Deal In Business If You Really Want To Have Something.

Most people venture in business without knowing one basic formula - how to deal with people. In any business, you cannot escape dealing with people so it is imperative if one understands a little bit about human psychology before venturing in the world of business. Below given are the Ten Commandments which were postulated by a French conman Victor Lustig about conning people. The methods he used to con people in his time were the basis of these commandments. When I first read about him and his rules, I realized these rules not just work in the world of conman but also work like miracle in the world of logical legal businesses as well. These rules are about human behavior and understanding of person one is dealing with. It does reek of manipulation sometimes but speaking truthfully, business dealing and negotiations are all about manipulations and smart thinking. These rules if used wisely, can help to control one in a business meeting and help to influence and intimidate other person. Remember, fire can cook your food but it can also burn you. I followed these rules in several business meetings and they worked perfectly for me in every sphere of human interactions.

When you will start to read about mind control and human behaviors you will realize that these rules has appeared, may be in subtexts or between the lines, in several books several times. For example, ‘listen intently if you want to convince someone of your own thinking’ is a rule given by Dale Carnegie in his book ‘How to win Friends and influence people’, in fact a whole chapter is dedicated to it; similarly, always be neat is an important rule stressed again and again in the Book ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss which is about Pick Up Artists. If you have believed them then you  must trust these rules, after all Lustig was one of the only man who conned Al Capone and sold Eiffel tower twice to French Government officials!!!   

Rule No. 1  

BE A PATIENT LISTENER.

It is imperative to listen. There is no substitute for that. When I tell this to someone they usually reply that they are already good listener. But they are not. They just assume it because sound falls on one’s ears as a nature’s way of sound travel. Consider this, the simple fact that they retaliate telling me that they are good listener contradicts the fact that they have been good listener. If they were good listener, they would not think of defending it. They would just take it as an advice, process the information and pretend listening, instead of planning a defense against accusation. Good listening is not about keeping one's mouth shut, it is about keeping one's brain open for all kind of things to enter inside in order to process them. Never cut people in between. No one likes that. Listen to their complete thought even if you are not interested. Even the worst conversationalist will give you some information that you can utilize. No one likes to get convinced of other's theories. Everyone has their own theories. So there is no need to tell someone your opinion if he is more interested in telling you his. Listen to him and make him feel that you understand him, though the only thing you would be doing is not arguing back and pretending to be a great and patient listener. He would later call you a great conversationalist even though you haven't uttered a word. There will be times when you have something very important to tell another person which you feel is right and might change the course of conversation to your side; trust me it won’t. If it is very important, save it for later when your turn comes.

So, always be a patient listener; it is this, not fast talking, that gets a man his deal.

Rule No. 2           

NEVER LOOK BORED.

One of the most important thing is to ‘pretend’ that you are interested. Why am I saying 'pretend' instead of 'genuine'. It is because not always you are going to find a great speaker. You might meet a man sitting on high echelons of corporate structure with extreme powers, but a very boring conversationalist. Though he is boring, even after that he wouldn’t like to do business with the most talented but boring guy. Business for most people is like second home where they spend whole day or a hangout place for group of friends and colleagues, so they chose very wisely whom to give entry and whom to deny. You might not be a big shot or highly talented but with right acumen to understand basic human psychology you can reach to the top spot without fuss. There will be times when the man from whom you want to get your deal done will tell you tales from his childhood or marriage or a travel tour he had done a month back, you have to pretend interest. It would be like someone showing you his marriage photobook, you don't know a single person in it, you didn't go to marriage and there are thousands of photos. You are terribly disinterested but you have to see them because the person feels good showing them to you; you must pretend to look interested even if you are not. On the good side, the man is opening up to you and telling you things he might not be sharing with others. The more interested you will be, the more he will tell, and the more anecdotes and secrets he will share, as a result, the more bonded he will feel with you. Again the final result of you just pretending to be interested in him, listening to him will keep you in his books of people with interesting personality. You will always be on his good side. On the bad side you will have to listen to his stories all the time.   

Rule No. 3

WAIT FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO REVEAL ANY POLITICAL OPINIONS, THEN AGREE WITH THEM.

Sometimes murders, fights happen over trivial matters. Talks that start with light conversation and opinions suddenly take dark turns. There are certain things on which people keep very strong belief. There are few things on which people take very strong stand, one of them is politics. You may never know which person is thinking in what terms regarding politics and which political party he supports. During these conversations always remember that whatever your political opinion is, it does not matter or effect your business deal in any which way. Opposing one’s strong beliefs won’t get you the deal, but agreeing to another person's political views will. You can play it diplomatically too. Neither agree nor oppose. Politics happens in every country from time unknown. Politics is the basis of survival for any living community, including animals. Until and unless you are involved in it such that it effects your life and status, there is nothing much that you can do to change it or make a difference to it. So ignore the political opinions. People like people with similar thought process. They desire for agreement on some topics. My opinion is give them that. I would always hire someone who have belief in my beliefs. Business is about giving and taking. You give him what he desires, agreement on political opinions, and in return get what you want - The deal.

Rule No. 4

LET THE OTHER PERSON REVEAL RELIGIOUS VIEWS, THEN HAVE THE SAME ONES.

This is similar to above point, but still needs a separate mention. Every person has beliefs. Even atheists and agnostic have beliefs.  There is no living person who does not have beliefs. Belief in religion is one thing you must not ignore. Remember a child often changes his beliefs, but an adult man kind of sticks with whatever he has been taught his entire life as beliefs solidifies with time. People don't easily change their beliefs, Period so don’t be a prophet and try changing it. For sure, in business world, there is no need to change someone's beliefs just because your beliefs don’t match with him. Changing someone’s beliefs won’t get you your deal. Again, remember it is the deal that is more important to you rather than changing one's belies. But that does not mean sacrificing your own beliefs. It simply means that not to get offensive when someone is praising his own religions and beliefs. Feel offensive, promote your own religion and belief, for sure, the deal will be off. Religion is a conversation in which if you win, you lose. The religion is very personal thing to every man. Don't play with it. Listen to him intently and subtly change the topic to more relevant subject. Never argue in the matter. It will never help. They must be looking for a man of strong opinions but definitely not of difficult and radical ones.  

Rule No. 5

HINT AT SEX TALK, BUT DON’T FOLLOW IT UP UNLESS THE OTHER FELLOW SHOWS A STRONG INTEREST.

Sex talk is one of the most important talks that two men can have. They bond over it very easily. It's like a secret talk that two men share and which remains within them. It's like man's code. Dirty talk, secret talk, gossip is what men are good at hiding. Men makes keeping secrets a prestige issue. Though I do not recommend it that you use this tactic very often as it might be offensive to some people and if it backfires, they might judge you wrongly. But if the person in front of you has inclination towards sex talk and you can feel it, go for at it, take the risk. If he advances, talk about it but let him speak more. Don’t intrude, show too much interest, or enjoy too much. Pretend that it is a normal conversation and make him feel comfortable. If someone is talking about sexual matters to you, it is a sign that he trusts you to some extent or maybe he is trying to test you whether he can trust you or not. I am not talking about getting involved in Gay sex or to literally have sex with him or help him get a hooker, I am merely talking about simple sex talks that two adult share and laugh about it. It's just for binding purposes so don’t take it too far. But, caution, if you feel even a little resistance at your initiation of sex talk immediately retract your steps or in case you feel he is too weird, back off and change topic.  

Rule No. 6

NEVER DISCUSS ILLNESS, UNLESS SOME SPECIAL CONCERN IS SHOWN.

I had made my first film and the post production of it was going in a very reputed production house. Lots of celebrities were arriving and leaving every day. It was a busy place. There I met a big music director who had lost his standing in film industry for quite some time and was desiring for a comeback. After seeing the efforts for my first film, he gave me his phone number and asked me to come to his place whenever I was free. I, being busy with my work and couldn’t find time to meet him. Nearly a year passed, he called me one day and asked me to come to his place. He said he wanted to discuss something with me. I reached his place. This was after considerable amount of time. By this time I had finished my second film as director but unfortunately none of my films could get release. When I reached his place, he asked me whether I could direct a music video for him. Of course, I said ‘yes’ and things were set. But later, just before leaving I started telling him how hard my life has become, how I have lost all my money, how people have betrayed me, how life is so biased, how difficult it has become to for me to survive here and a lots of negative things. I was frustrated and depressed and I puked all my thoughts on him. After I moved out of his apartment, I thought he would have been sympathetic towards me and might help me. Truth, he since then he has never picked my phone.

What happened there? When he met first me as director of a low budget independent film trying to complete his film without having any money or backup, he met a resilient man with strong personality, patience and persistence, but the moment I broke down in front of him, I was just another struggling man that he must be meeting in abundance every day. He respected me because I was someone who could do anything in the world, there are not many people like that in the world. I was really excited at that time as my first film was getting completed. But later life took a toll on me. He didn’t need to know all that. Discussing my personal problems with him wouldn’t solve anything. Of course, he cannot solve any of my life problems so there was actually no need for telling him my personal problems. Our problems and our illness create a weak image of us in other person’s mind. Illness not necessarily here mean bad health, it means negative thinking, talking or anything negative. Never discuss anything that makes you look like a weak man. Don't try to gain sympathy. Trust me, no one cares. The little sympathy that you might get will only be fake. That's why don't discuss illness or weakness but always show a positive attitude towards life. It convinces other of your talents and he starts to trust that you can perform any given task with vigor and efficiency.

Rule No. 7

NEVER PRY INTO A PERSON’S PERSONAL CIRCUMSTANCES (THEY’LL TELL YOU ALL EVENTUALLY).

One thing people just don't like is when you interfere in their personal affairs or show unusual interest in their personal life. So my advice is, don't do that. If during your meeting, the other party boss receives a phone from his home and talks some personal stuff in front of you, then don't try to feign interest by asking the moment he hangs the phone, "was it your wife? Oh you are such a family man.", instead resume the topic that was ongoing before the phone came and pretend that that phone never came. If the man ever volunteers to tell you about his personal life, there will be two reasons for that - First, he is judging your prying nature, and second he wants to connect with you. Never show interest in anyone’s personal life. There is an ironical thing connected with personal talks and it is - the more disinterest you will show in his personal life the more he will reveal it to you and the higher your interest and curiosity will be in his life, the less likely he will be talking about it. Trust me, if you show you are not interested but just a good listener, they will tell you everything about themselves eventually. Now, is there a need to know about personal details? If you are a conman, it does as it helps in knowing someone’s weak point, but if you are not, then the sole reason for him to open up to you is that to make him feel close and comfortable with you so that he would sign more deals with you.

Rule No. 8

NEVER BOAST. JUST LET YOUR IMPORTANCE BE QUIETLY OBVIOUS.

Another most important thing. I have done this my entire life and have faced the gruesome results. I was a big mouthed boast-a-lot and my logic to those opposing me was how else he is going to know about me. Yes, I was a true believer of Hindi films where we spoon feed everything to the audience. I doubted the perception level of my audience. The problem with boasting is, people feel the need to verify what you are saying. They will never take your word for your own praise. It’s like writing your own Wikipedia page. It's better when someone praises you on your behalf. Worst thing is that when you will ask one of your friends to praise you in front of others, he will always overdo or underdo it; in short, it never works. The praise should be honest and sincere, even though it is of oneself.

 Silence is the best form of self-praise. Neither it reveals much, nor hides much. Just look into the eye of other person when he is talking to you. He won't be able to know anything about you but try to make assumptions. You will remain a man of secrets and a man of secrets is always intimidating and feared of. Now if you have to speak, because silence part should only be used accordingly, or if you remain too much quite people will think that you are mute. Tell stories, anecdotes, and metaphors and praise yourself in disguise of it. Like “when I was working in that Particular Company they aid me good salary for that work and this work”. Now you merely made a statement but you gave them an estimate that first you worked in a top company and second you were getting a handsome salary and third what kind of work is your strong area, though it looked like you were basically providing them information or were just quoting them an anecdote.

Rule No. 9

NEVER BE UNTIDY.

This is one of the most important thing that one must keep in mind when going to meet someone. It is a perceptive psychology that we have developed over time that an untidy person is a poor guy, poor not just in money but in education as well. Just like a man with beard is confused with intelligent man and man with glass often as studious man. When one is clean and hygienic, it feels nice to sit next to him but when you are untidy, it immediately comes into notice and people will ignore you. Being untidy also comes under bad manners. If you are untidy, it means that you didn't even care enough for the people you were going to meet to do a bit effort to dress up well. Their immediate reaction will be not to care for you as well. Also tidy, clean and mannered gives an appearance of class and tradition. People are intimidated by that.

Rule no. 10

NEVER GET DRUNK.

Drinking is not a bad habit. Where would we be without alcohol, right? But don't drink much when you are in a business trip or meeting. Most of the time there won't be any drink involved but some people like to take beer or wine with food and don' consider it as alcohol. Try never to decline the drink as it is termed as bad manner. Even if you want to decline a drink cite a logical and believable reason and remember it for future. Otherwise just take the glass and pretend to drink.  Alcohol slower downs your mind's decision taking capabilities which you need at handby when in a meeting. Presence of mind is very necessary to accrue the process of deal. More than that, while drunk you may tend to say something that you might not want to say or something you wonder later why you said it. After drink, one also develops arguing powers and can argue on baseless topics for hours, avoid that. It's better when the person in front of you is drunk while you are not. In that case, you can easily manipulate him. But if you get drunk, reverse can happen.