48. One thought you must avoid immediately, if you want that girl.

During my PUA workshops with Mumbai guys I have realized that the biggest problem they face while dealing with girls is not that they have very high opinion of girls, it is that they have very low opinion about themselves. I respect woman and I love them. I believe they are flawless species and they are really beautiful but I never praise them on the cost of demeaning my own personality. They are good, beautiful there is no doubt about that but that does not make you any lesser.

One of my students who is an author, an MBA graduate, a highly salaried manager in a highly-reputed law firm and winner of multiple awards, a motivational speaker and a successful man, calls me one day and shares a nugget of his life’s personal problem with me, it was about a girl he was crazy about. She was his girlfriend for a little while, then they broke over some family matter and now she has blocked him from everywhere, I mean literally blocked him, on phone, on facebook everywhere. He desperately wants her back and felt that he cannot love without her. He was ready to do anything to get her back. He was even jokingly thinking of kidnapping her and later marrying her against her parent’s wishes which was a really stupid thing to joke about and I rebuked him for that later. I hate people who treat woman as property or object to be taken.

First, he told me his story. He started by telling me how good that girl is. He told me that she is from a very wealthy and affluent family. They have high respect in society and they are from a big city. They are so rich that she often goes out to foreign countries for shopping, which I accept is a pretty rich thing in any country. He further tells me that her parents might not think of him as suitable candidate for her as he is not that good for her but she is like a flawless angel. There were other things as well but they are not that relevant for this topic.

When he finished his story, I immediately scolded him for degrading himself so much for that girl. I have to first boost his self-esteem which he had lost somewhere while talking to this girl. I reminded him of his accomplishments and what he has achieved in his life. And what does it mean that she has good parents, he isn’t a test tube baby either, he has parents too. That girl has told her everything about her to flaunt and he might have started feeling inferior in front of her. Classic mistake. I did that with my last to last to last girlfriend. The best part about confidence is that it can easily be faked. It is stupid to feel inferior in front of anyone. Everyone has something so flaunt what you have instead of feeling inferior for what you don’t. I can spend my whole life sulking that I don’t have teeth like Lion. He felt motivated but the problem was his ego which was interfering in between. He was thinking about his image in their eyes. The real truth was that it was his ego that got hurt by being rejected by a girl and he was unable to cope with it. He had unsuccessful relationships before and one more relationship, he felt, will break him forever. He exaggerated the matter too much inside his own head. The matter was simple. There was no love jihad here. No one was getting killed. So, if worst was not going to happen then this problem was pretty much solvable, if not, there is no use wasting time over problem that cannot be solved. It was only him who had made the matter so desperate and important that he felt he cannot get out of it. There are probably billions of girls in this world and so there is no logic crying behind every girl who rejects you. Most of the time the rejection is not about how you behave, it is more about their own circumstances. Let’s say it is because you and your damn personality that she has rejected you, so what, what image or reputation are you protecting. You are not a celebrity and that is an advantage for you because no one knows about your embarrassing love story. Move on.

So, the thought that you must avoid at any costs is feeling low about yourself just because something bad has happened to you. Stop blaming yourself for everything. I am not saying that you are not wrong but until and unless you have a desire to improve upon it there is no use blaming yourself and going into depression. Never exaggerate the situation more than it deserves to be bloated. Rejection is good. Failures are awesome. It teaches a lot and there is no better way to learn anything faster than failing at something.

Never think yourself any less.