66. Short Story : The Blame
I was always a man of moment even then I never tried anything like this before. For rich people like me, I felt that leaving their wives was no big thing. I had googled lives of famous people. That calmed me down. At least, I was not alone. A lot of people have gone through what I have gotten into. But I have done something now that no one had ever done apart from me. Probably, Shiny Ahuja will be an exception but then his life was all over after that. I would never imagine to have fate like that. I believe that if I am going down with something then I am going for something worse. Not this.
I never liked her anyways. She was dirty and there was always this pungent smell that came from her which I never liked. It felt like she was unhygienic, never took a bath, lived in dirt and she was in fact unhygienic and dirty. My wife has told me once that she used to work at eight households to make her ends meet. You can smell poor from a distance.
How amusing it is that some people can't be bought with money. I enticed her with money once but she never entertained the offer. Poor people, how they maintain their integrity. The craving you get to break a person and the kick you get out of that, it's unimaginable. Poor people are poor for a reason and now I know the reason. That's why we loathe poor people. I was feeling uneasy and I didn't go to office today. I had recently joined a new company that came to decay Indian economy and transfer all good work and talent to their own country. But I am a small man and I don't care for big causes like that. That's the concern for great people. I am not great and becoming great is last on my bucket list. This company is paying me almost twice my last company did and I only care about that. My wife had chosen really wrong time to divorce me. But then it was over from beginning. We were only Facebok couple. No one could have doubted from our facebook profiles that there was anything wrong with us. We shared lots of love quotes, pretty pictures, commented on each other's photos and had shared so many photos from our vacations all across the world happily smiling and hanging out together. Photos lie all the time. But they are sweet memories and only ones left with me. I liked one of her friends from Facebook. We were mutual friends. I never told her about that crush of mine.
She came to my apartment today just like any other day. She must have been 30 years old and was getting one of her girls married soon. I wonder when she got marry and had her first girl child.World is one weird place to live in.
'I don't know what went inside me at that time'. Probably the most cliched argument used inside courtrooms was what my mind was making to console me. You don't have explanation or justification for your act after that but you need it, in desperation you create it. How else can you prove yourself right? But I really wanted to kiss her. I remember holding my breath for some time just to get near her. I wondered how that pungent smell became a tasty odor after some time. I was never good at chemistry. I don't know whether the topic of smelling things comes under chemistry or biology. I felt that I might have felt wrong about her age. She must be more than 30 , somewhere around 35 or more. Frankly, I didn't care much for that at that time. I needed to think and except the thought that I was doing something wrong, everything else came to my mind.
She did tried to escape. But I was strong. I felt that I was rich and what kind of poor woman wouldn't like to come near me and a have piece of me. I really thought that I was doing a favor to her. I have rich man's complex. Rich people can commit crime and get away with anything. Some German philosopher laid out some theory about Superman way back. No intelligent man should be punished by lower intellectuals for the any crime they commit. Intellectuals are above all crimes. I applied that rule with a little change that I was only a super rich man.
She moaned on the ground. I wanted to take her to bed but I didn't want my bed to get dirty with her dirty body. Somehow I remembered to take that precaution. I don't like my things getting dirty. I keep my things neat and clean. My wife often bantered me saying that I am more of a girl than her. She should see me now. I was like a lion on the maid. I tore her clothes from some places. I felt that I was losing time. I don't know why, because I had nothing to do all day. I had already taken a leave for today. I felt like I was wasting my time. She cried but nothing was working on me. I am not a bad man. I so desperately wanted to explain that to her. I just needed some help. I had a reason for everything. I am going through a tough time so I should be allowed to do whatever it takes to make my happy.
Five minutes later. She ran away.
Did I just rape her? May be I did. Am I bad person. No I am not. People do things like that, don't they. I felt bad. But I felt that crime has no consolation. If I had the powers I would have never done what I did but I had done it. I had better options but I chose the worst one. I could have called some prostitute. Ravi from accounts do have few numbers and he on several occasions had asked me if I need any. I never needed it. I was only working to reach top for some reason. I don't even remember what my definition of top was.
I am not a rapist. It was just a small incident. I am sure it must be happening everyday with her. It is not like I have killed her. Rape is for low lives. Those are different people. I am not that. I haven't done any crime. This will soon be over. Why do I think so negative all the time? Since she has left me I have become a real pessimistic. I should again read that book I used to read in college about positive thinking. Don't remember the name of that book. But I will find that somewhere in the book store at that big mall they are opening in the neighborhood.
She didn't make food today. The nerve of that woman to take so much healthy salary from me and never do things on time. I did right to her. She needed to be taught a lesson. may be unconsciously I was trying to teach her a lesson. Yes, that was what I was doing.
I think I should sleep for a while now. Will order something in the after noon. I hate breakfast anyways.
I never liked her anyways. She was dirty and there was always this pungent smell that came from her which I never liked. It felt like she was unhygienic, never took a bath, lived in dirt and she was in fact unhygienic and dirty. My wife has told me once that she used to work at eight households to make her ends meet. You can smell poor from a distance.
How amusing it is that some people can't be bought with money. I enticed her with money once but she never entertained the offer. Poor people, how they maintain their integrity. The craving you get to break a person and the kick you get out of that, it's unimaginable. Poor people are poor for a reason and now I know the reason. That's why we loathe poor people. I was feeling uneasy and I didn't go to office today. I had recently joined a new company that came to decay Indian economy and transfer all good work and talent to their own country. But I am a small man and I don't care for big causes like that. That's the concern for great people. I am not great and becoming great is last on my bucket list. This company is paying me almost twice my last company did and I only care about that. My wife had chosen really wrong time to divorce me. But then it was over from beginning. We were only Facebok couple. No one could have doubted from our facebook profiles that there was anything wrong with us. We shared lots of love quotes, pretty pictures, commented on each other's photos and had shared so many photos from our vacations all across the world happily smiling and hanging out together. Photos lie all the time. But they are sweet memories and only ones left with me. I liked one of her friends from Facebook. We were mutual friends. I never told her about that crush of mine.
She came to my apartment today just like any other day. She must have been 30 years old and was getting one of her girls married soon. I wonder when she got marry and had her first girl child.World is one weird place to live in.
'I don't know what went inside me at that time'. Probably the most cliched argument used inside courtrooms was what my mind was making to console me. You don't have explanation or justification for your act after that but you need it, in desperation you create it. How else can you prove yourself right? But I really wanted to kiss her. I remember holding my breath for some time just to get near her. I wondered how that pungent smell became a tasty odor after some time. I was never good at chemistry. I don't know whether the topic of smelling things comes under chemistry or biology. I felt that I might have felt wrong about her age. She must be more than 30 , somewhere around 35 or more. Frankly, I didn't care much for that at that time. I needed to think and except the thought that I was doing something wrong, everything else came to my mind.
She did tried to escape. But I was strong. I felt that I was rich and what kind of poor woman wouldn't like to come near me and a have piece of me. I really thought that I was doing a favor to her. I have rich man's complex. Rich people can commit crime and get away with anything. Some German philosopher laid out some theory about Superman way back. No intelligent man should be punished by lower intellectuals for the any crime they commit. Intellectuals are above all crimes. I applied that rule with a little change that I was only a super rich man.
She moaned on the ground. I wanted to take her to bed but I didn't want my bed to get dirty with her dirty body. Somehow I remembered to take that precaution. I don't like my things getting dirty. I keep my things neat and clean. My wife often bantered me saying that I am more of a girl than her. She should see me now. I was like a lion on the maid. I tore her clothes from some places. I felt that I was losing time. I don't know why, because I had nothing to do all day. I had already taken a leave for today. I felt like I was wasting my time. She cried but nothing was working on me. I am not a bad man. I so desperately wanted to explain that to her. I just needed some help. I had a reason for everything. I am going through a tough time so I should be allowed to do whatever it takes to make my happy.
Five minutes later. She ran away.
Did I just rape her? May be I did. Am I bad person. No I am not. People do things like that, don't they. I felt bad. But I felt that crime has no consolation. If I had the powers I would have never done what I did but I had done it. I had better options but I chose the worst one. I could have called some prostitute. Ravi from accounts do have few numbers and he on several occasions had asked me if I need any. I never needed it. I was only working to reach top for some reason. I don't even remember what my definition of top was.
I am not a rapist. It was just a small incident. I am sure it must be happening everyday with her. It is not like I have killed her. Rape is for low lives. Those are different people. I am not that. I haven't done any crime. This will soon be over. Why do I think so negative all the time? Since she has left me I have become a real pessimistic. I should again read that book I used to read in college about positive thinking. Don't remember the name of that book. But I will find that somewhere in the book store at that big mall they are opening in the neighborhood.
She didn't make food today. The nerve of that woman to take so much healthy salary from me and never do things on time. I did right to her. She needed to be taught a lesson. may be unconsciously I was trying to teach her a lesson. Yes, that was what I was doing.
I think I should sleep for a while now. Will order something in the after noon. I hate breakfast anyways.
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