58. Ten Rules of Approaching and talking to a girl

Let’s face it, it is not easy for a male to approach a female. Though, some people are good at it while others are really bad at it. There is always a reason why someone is good while others are bad. It has been found that males with sisters and other female around them tend to be more comfortable with woman while males who do not interact with females right from their childhood develops phobias for woman. But it is a fact that no one is Casanova by birth. Everyone gets rejected and rejection is the best method to learn. The good news is that the process of approaching a girl and asking them out is very easy. As a part of disclaimer I must tell you if you have bad intentions towards any girl, please stop reading this book right now. This is not a manipulative manual to lure girl into doing what otherwise would be crime and non-voluntary. This book is for gentlemen who respect woman and don’t objectify them. At some points you may feel that I am trying to objectifying woman but I am not, I am merely trying to remove your fear by creating a different image of woman in your mind so that you can approach them. It is similar to the process when you approach a podium to give a speech, then it helps to imagine that those who have come to listen to your speech are all idiots, in order to gain confidence but the truth is they are not. Sometimes assumptions, ignorance and lack of knowledge helps one too in achieving a task. Like any other art, the art of seduction also requires trial and error. I was a shy guy myself who couldn’t talk to girls before I picked the book 'The game' by Neil Strauss. It is about the life of pick up artists and how a simple guy with ordinary looks transformed himself into a top pick up artist in merely two years. The book doesn't actually tells you how to pick up girls but about the life of pick up artists. Though after the success of this book, hundreds of books on the art of seduction started getting published. As I told you, I had trouble talking to girls myself, in fact I would start shivering if a girl starts talking to me. I going to talk to a girl was out of question.  I didn’t know that there were certain rules.  There is a science and it works most of the time. Here are few things I learned while working on my flirting skills.

1.     Dress up well.

 You have no idea how much a person gets judged on his clothes. Branded clothes do matter, but remember branded clothes on dogs do not matter. You must wear something you are comfortable in and also it must tell something about you. It should suit your personality, skin color, height and body dimensions. How to know what suits you? Answer : read men's magazine. Wear random clothes and ask opinions of people around you. For starters, don't wear too flashy to gain immediate attention of people; it is a sign of desperation. Don't buy too many clothes, rather buy few but expensive and branded ones. Girls like men with class and money. Why shouldn't they? You will never date an ugly badly dressed up girl, would you. You expect things from your woman, so does your woman from you. A class and Gentleman attitude shows ones maturity and money is the sign of power. Good manner goes a long way and power of any kind attracts women.

Coming back to dressing style, good shirt tucked inside jeans or pants work fine all the time. Black shoes is a must because sport shoes shows that you are very casual, unless you want to portray yourself as casual but then you have to do a complete makeover. Truth is woman prefer men over boys. They love serious and sincere people who know what they are doing, but who can make them laugh with their witty one liners or humorous stories. So wear black leather shoes whenever possible. A watch is a must. A dangling watch is definitely a big long nooo. A dangling watch is a sign of bad body, even though you have a good body, it signals otherwise. Metallic watch is best but digital Casio watch is strictly prohibited. Be as British as you can. British have mastered the art of seducing the woman with their dressing and language. Wear suit as often as possible. You don’t have to be rich to do all these things. You can do all this very cheaply, all you have to do is buy things which suits you and use them wisely. For example, you can survive buying only two suits and wear them alternately, just remember in which party you wore which one. 

2.     Have deodorant, perfumes always at standby.
 

Sweat is body's mechanism and God’s way of keeping woman away from you. Woman like sweat on you but they don't like to smell it. Women always smell you, even though how much you try to convince yourself they don’t or she is far away or she can’t smell my bad odor as it is just inside the shirt, you are wrong; they smell you all the time. That’s also something we always do. That's what all animals do too. We smell woman and woman smell us. Smell is how we identify them, which is more the reason why you must pick and stick with your favorite deodorant and perfume. Try and test all the perfumes you like and then fix on one that you use all the time while meeting woman. Keep your deodorants and perfume in standby if you don't have car or pour some perfume on your handkerchief to rub it on yourself while freshening up in the toilet. A good smell attracts woman to men. Good smell symbolizes hygiene even if you hadn't had bath for years. 

3.     Go and talk, and be wise.
 

There is no shortcut or any other magical method to start talking to girls except going to them and start talking. The rule is not to think too much. The problem with most men is that when they decide to talk to a woman, they think and magnify the scenario beforehand prematurely about what is going to happen. That over thinking and over analysis is mostly in negative direction like he would get humiliated in front of everyone or insulted by the girl, just for approaching her. For God’s sake, the girl is all dressed up for the night, she wants men to approach her, like her; what she does not want is to get irritated by self-praising talks or worshiping her like a Dog.

Don't look pathetic or needy or someone who would hang too much without invitation. Just start some small talk with some one-liner, piece of interesting news or some social concern, and take it from there. If you feel even a slight hint of her being not interested in you, run away from there before your nightmare of being embarrassed in front of everyone comes true. Remember, every girl is a potential target but not every girl is going to like you. It will not be because you are not good; she might have broken up or maybe she is waiting for someone and is already engaged or she just had a terrible day. It's not you, it's them. Never sound desperate but someone whom she can always get rid of, not someone who will chase her if she tries to be little friendly with you. Keep your personal life as much secret as possible. Never reveal anything about yourself. Conceal, conceal and conceal. The more secretive your personality will be, the more attracted she will be towards you. Never boast about you. Never tell her your name unless she asks it. Keep patience. It's a game of patience. She needs to get interested in you. Never discuss pessimistic and hopeless thoughts, always be optimistic and hopeful, unless she forces that topic, then slightly agree with her and change the topic wisely. Never argue or dispute over religion or politics and never tell her what she likes is bad. You are not there on debate but to have a girlfriend, or else. Exit at the time of the conversation when her interest in the conversation is at the peak. Leaver her desiring for more. Approach her again after some time. Appear busy in the meantime. Now, you can ask her name. You chose to come back to her leaving everyone behind. You have already made her feel special. Your work is done here. Control your emotions now. Still don’t reveal anything about your life now. Wait and listen to her. Listen to her life tales, even if they are boring till death. Women week good listener. No matter how eager she looks to listen about your life, she is just waiting for her chance to tell you about her life. Feign interest and don't ask too many questions. Most importantly, when she is talking to you, look into her eyes constantly, not her boobs and any other body parts, not even ever other people or beautiful girls. Control that urge. Make her feel the center of your universe and a special person. Listen to her as much as you can with appropriate reactions, then somewhere in between, whenever you find the right time, tell her how beautiful she is. Make your compliment more realistic by going in details, tell her some cute habit of hers which not many people can notice. She is already into you, now ask her when you can meet her again. No matter what she says, just listen to her. She will still pretend that’s he is not that easy. She will tell you that she is very busy next few days. Don't force her to fix a date of meet. Don't ask her number unless she gives you. Give her your number. Remember, never ask her to write your number or dictate your number to her. She wants you to do everything for her already and treat her like princess. Take out a pen and write your number on a tissue paper. It's is too romantic a gesture for them. I will be like a memento for her. If you are a guy with high profile job or celebrity status, give her your card, she needs to know something about you, but definitely not from your mouth. Now, don't wait, leave. You have a busy life too, even if you don't, you have to pretend to have one. Exit at the right moment is very important. She must never feel that you are a burden on her. She must seek you. In between, just in case, if she gives you’re her phone number. Take the number. But never call her or message her for next three to four days and then place a call when she is least expecting. Remember, call her, don't message her. Girls like exertive men who takes decision and initiatives. Tell her a place and time at which you are going to meet. Don't ask her, tell her. If she tells you that she is busy, don't pretend that you are hurt, pretend sadness a little bit, of course you are sad not to meet her but not hurt. Make few jokes and cut the phone. She will call you back soon to tell you that she has postponed her meetings and she can now meet you, else she will tell you a new time and date to meet. Now don't play hard ball here. Agree instantly. You are now in the game.

 4.     Never take rejections personally.

 Biggest problem with newcomers is that they map too much life expectations from girls. Most guys with Shahrukh era looks at woman and instantly imagine their whole life with her. You may have given a  lot of thought about spending your life with her, but it's not your mind which is thinking about it. You don't even know that girl. And girl too needs a certain amount of time to know you, get comfortable around you, understand you before she even thinks about marriage. And where does this whole marriage thing came up anyways. Don't magnify a small event of life. Just because you have attached so much future memories and expectations from her, you feel bad when rejected. A simple rejection for many people is such a  life turning event for many that they become poets, writers, alcoholic or what not.  They start retrospection about life. You don't know the reason she rejected you, but you might think that either you don't look good or you don't have good job or something other fabricated reason to demoralize yourself. Trust me, she would say not to anyone if they had approached her that time. Girls don't just say no looking at you. No one judges anyone that early. May be that girl is shy, may she had bad experience of men approaching her in that bar, maybe she is coming out of terrible relationship or else. Never take rejections personal. You are never at fault if you had followed the rules of wearing good clothes and smelling good. It's them, not you. Think it this way after rejection, it's their loss not yours that they didn't get to know a swell person like you.  

5.     Look into the eyes.Never underestimate the power of this simple rule. Look deep into the eyes. Actors and news anchors uses this technique to maintain the interest of audience. They practice enough never to blink their eyes during a conversation, but only when they cut the sentence into some other topic. It is also a part of intimidation technique. It also shows how interested you are in other person. Your eyes are the  key and they reveal everything about you. You must have control over your eyes. You can show how honest you are simply by looking into some person's eyes. Before you do this, practice this on your friends and try to stare in their eyes for a long time during a conversation. Eye contact is not a easy thing to do and you shall not take it lightly. It needs a lots of concentration, effort and practice to reach to that level where you can look into someone's eyes and melt them down. The woman have tremendous capacity to play with their eyes. Men lack that. Women throughout history have made men their slaves just by a single stare at them. 

 6.     Don't magnify the scenario.
 
There are lots of things I have already told you but I am covering them again in separate topics because they are too important not to be revised again. Never never ever think too much. Again like eyes, it is a part of human brain that cannot be stopped. Men think too much. There are only few men who are born with the talent o not think  too much, that is not good too. The important thing here is the control of mind. If you don't think too much, you will lose things on other paths. Your mind must be in control of you. We believe that our thoughts are random generated visuals but there is a little secret here. One can control his thoughts and not just control, one can even manipulate his thoughts to generate better results. First of all, always think positive and always be grateful for everything in life. Wait, am in preaching here. What does positive thinking and being grateful has to do anything with flirting with girls. Trust me, it does, you need to reach into a state of mind where you know that anything is possible and nothing wrong ever happens to you and if any wrong ever happens to you, it must for a reason. It is very important that you see the things as they are. You will never know whether the girl will reject you, make fun of you, embarrass you unless you approach you. Now if you really really desire to magnify things in your mind just because you believe you are one person who thinks about all circumstances, then my suggestion is to magnify the thoughts to the extreme. Like think about what is the worst that could possible happen. The worst that could possibly happen is that she will take out a gun from her purse and shoot you or she will tell everyone that you tried to rape her and put you behind bars for the rest of your life. Now those are worst case scenarios. But you know that that is not going to happen. So when you know that worst case is not possible, anything else will be just the blessing. To be honest, girls are as scared as you are, they will just try to avoid you in case they are no interested. They will be the last person to create a scene anywhere. So be confident, approach her, let her reject you that means some much better girl is waiting for you, the last one was just not in your destiny. 

7.     Take your time, don't be in a hurry.
 

Pretend that you are busy but never sound or behave hasty. She doesn't care about your time. She just wants to have a good time with a good guy who knows what he is talking and who is genuinely interested in her. If she asks a question, don't make it a buzzer round where you have to answer the question the moment she utters her last word. Take your time, be relax, think about the right answer and then lay it out in best possible words. She didn't ask questions to you to know the answers, she might already have it, she is not here to increase her general knowledge, she is merely checking your attitude and reaction towards it. She is judging you on the tracks of her dream boy, which is always a guy with lots of patience and understanding. Understanding a woman is just a myth, they just want good listener. According to an invisible definition, a good listener for them is a good conversationalist and an extremely understanding person. She just wants someone who thinks like her so just agree to all her thoughts without making her feel that you are mechanically agreeing to them. Often give your point of view but they must never be contradictory, that's why relax, don't hurry up, always think before replying. One wrong move and you are out.    

8.     Be natural, don't try too hard.


The biggest turn off for most of the girls is the guy who is desperate. No one likes a feet licker. The whole idea is to make girl desire you. You may have learned all these skills now, but the girl must never know that you are a fake. You have to act a little. You have to act that you spend money all the time. You must act sometimes that you are adventurous and sporty. There will be different things that you would be doing based on your conditions. In the end, everything comes down to one thing. You have to be you first. Act will be forgotten after some time. That will be just initial screening. You cannot carry a lie for a long time. If acting has to be done, act natural. Trying too hard leads to an impression of desperation. Girls are looking for guys who are not interested in them, who make them chase him, who are desired by everyone and no one gets them. Become that, or pretend to be that.

9.     Read books on body language, sun signs, magic and trivia’s.

I have never been able to find a good substitute for knowledge and books are the biggest medium for that. In most of my ebooks there is always a point that refers to book. Books helps you in whatever you want to achieve. But I digress. Read as many books as you can find on the topic of Body language. Learning Body language is very necessary as 95 percent of our communication is non-verbal. If you know about Body language it would become easier for you to understand whether a girl is interested in you or not. There have been times when a girl is simply bantering but is interested and the guy would misunderstood her bantering as a negative signal, only if he knew the sign language would he be able to understand her more than necessary. Believe it or not, but sun signs do matter. I never believed in them until I tried and tested them. One of the friends of mine who is in sales uses gives his clients forms to insert their personal information, knowing their birth date, he tries to understand their mentality and temperament using the science of sun signs. He told me that he currently predicts their behavior 90% of times. Third important thing is Trivia’s. People like to hear surprising and amusing trivia’s. Interesting thins constitutes interesting talks and interesting talks make you a interesting man.

10.  Take charge.

Girls like man who take decisions. If you are submissive by nature, that’s ok, pretend to be over powering. Not too much, otherwise you will be typecast as misogynist. Taking charge is all about taking fast and snap decisions. You pick up the place to meet, you place the first order, pay the money before she can put her hands in her purse, decide which film to watch. Remember, woman want a man to whom they can surrender, it doesn’t matter whether she is a professional independent woman, she like to give charge to her men and men often confuse her dominating nature to let her take decisions. Men think that just because she orders, she likes to make decisions. No, she doesn’t she is just testing you and that how bad ass you are. Show it to her in the first meeting and see the results.